I am not going to talk about symptoms this time they are the same as the last 2 treatments and it actually takes me a full week to get back to feeling normal. My Birthday was awsome o nasua crankiness depression or feeling weak or ill at all yay what a nice day thank you, sweetie, for the awesome dinner and flowers love the sunflowers big and beautiful.
something that has been hard each month that I really should talk about each treatment though is how hard it is on my husband he gets his feeling hurt by me sometimes because I can just get really cranky and accusing like "you can't possibly understand how I am feeling" and when he forgets symptoms I have or anything dealing with the treatments and wellness. This disease and the treatments are not his or my fault it just is I find myself apologizing a lot and he doing the same. I understand many go through this during treatment and yes many do not.
It is serious though after a crying episode I had began yelling maybe I should go to some nursing type home or group home until this is over and I am in remission, yes that's what I said to him because he questioned why I had him get chicken salad if I wasn't going to eat it, yup something that simple can cause well me anyway to burst into tears and accuse him of not remembering poor appetite is part of chemo and then it led into me saying sorry and thinking maybe he might leave me or fall out of love with me all kinds of crazy yet real stuff. he had brought up how a couple broke up after the guy went into remission but also I have seen another marring we see the happy stuff on tv, but the survivor of cancer goes through so much and is why we are called a survivor. we talked a lot about being together so long we celebrated our 17th anniversary the day after my third chemo we are soul mates and he can tell the treatments are causing my depression and other moods feeling awful all by itself would make me cranky he said we always smile laugh and in the end hug just I few more treatments I say just a few more I cry right now writing this because I love my husband so much and wouldn't know what I would do without him he is the best. I hate how I treat him sometimes through this. makes me so sad. I love you Jonathan with all my heart.
well, that is it for this check-in I am going to have a cat scan to see how all this chemo is doing I feel the best I have in months these last 5 days (today is October 9th) it is wonderful I will write again soon hugs all. thank you friends family and most importantly Jonathan I love you.
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