The 28th of May is Blood Cancer Awareness day. I have blood cancer which is in remission for now. I will likely see a reoccurrence or 2 in my life, but I pray not. It is called follicular lymphoma and we need a cure for blood cancer. So many suffer from lymphomas and leukemia. Please help with research now, but if you can't afford a donation please help me spread the word, hugs and thank you
aww weight Watches it is about time I could say to both my husband and myself what is difficult it seems is getting us both on the same page as far as dieting, I think being older and now I may need surgery and being overweight puts me at high risk of dying made us both think what the hell are we doing we need to stop this nonsense and lose weight.
we both struggled our entire lives we are the types with that awful motabilizim that we look at a cake and we gain weight, we really have to work hard at losing weight and keeping it off.
weight watchers is not new to me at all, I remember mom having me join with her when I was in 5th grade being the youngest in our area group my uncle was one of the leaders of the group that we attended live because at that time we were still using dial phones and not computers or smartphones and tablets.
We met in a room at the ramada inn or at meeting halls we did a weigh-in when we arrived then listened to a speaker got recipes and the List what list well they read off with congratulations on how much each person lost that week and if you gained saying let's lend some extra ideas and support to those who gained meaning to a 5th grader be embarrassed for this shameful thing.
I did lose a lot of weight to my goal doing this by eating fish until it came out my eyes, and Skinless chicken coming out my ears, and seeing as I hated cooked vegetables I ate salads lets see oh yes until in came out my nose lol. But I went to middle school 6th grade fit and thin. It didn't last I slowly gained it all back starting in my 7th-grade year. I rejoined weight watchers with mom. For a bit but I couldn't take how it made me feel I was depressed a lot. And started having more anxiety stacks so I quit.
I did lose weight another time but it was so wrong I became an anorexic lost weight fast using laxative and starvation my mom also became one well before I did I guess I practiced what I learned, I lost weight fast but almost killed myself, and yes over a long stretch I gained it back plus some.
So here we are, most programs are too expensive for us to join as a couple with different dietary needs so I found weight watchers once again we will thank the late-night show with James for that. It looks so much better than before I knew it would be but how much well seems to be a lot. That is just by first glance anyway.
Today is day one so far so good with this pretty cool point system. Well I just wanted to report our starting date more to come with updates fingers crossed we do well as a team. Hugs everyone.
I hate having mental illness mainly anxiety disorders.
we went to imaging center for my ultra sound and I ended up so upset I left I was full blown acting mental. am I saying that wrong no because I am taking about me and I can so say it that way.
I don’t know I think it was set up for a perfect stor for me, I mean all so silly for some but so awful for me.
it is hard for people to understand without having something they fear so much happen to you or have reall serously scary fears. but instead I get fear of situations and I hate it.
so the build up first COVID and people not needing masks, and being vaccinated I am vaccinated and that is a great thing but then it makes it now so I can go out out with less fear yes yes yes love it, then it means I now can make all the many doc appointments I need with no real fear any longer. so I do , fist was oncologist dr Joseph for my cancer check up then a new dr at women’s and infants for my baseball size growth on my overlies, so then it starts a new doctor the other left once again a issue with me how doctors come and go around here, the first doc I saw I am sure I must have wrote about but maybe not much she seemed a bit without experience she talked much different than this lead doctor of the office. she told me no cancer markers that we can wait a little and that she wasn’t sure she could even do it because of my weight and needed to council with others. the new dr said he needed more test to see how it was doing and tha my weight was a definite factor for surgery it being dangerous mostly during the healing process with infections. So he scheduled tests right away which made me nervous but mor confident at the same time.
Then the day came fast Jonathan didn’t tell me until the day before so I didn’t think I was upset at all but knowing myself not being able to have time to work through it does bother me with most things, then I didn’t sleep much that night . So was very tired could hardly keep eyes open had to drink a ton of water well this diabetic can’t hold water very long.
Ok well then we left I felt ok not upset at that time yet very very tired, and trying to drink some extra water so my bladder was actually full for the test ( they can tell if it is not,)which brings me to my last ultrasound of this kind last august, everything was different I was not tired I knew it was coming and all and she knew once we got the device inside me my bladder wasn’t full she was nice and said nothing I knew she Knew because she didn’t have me go to the bathroom right away after. Another issue also being a big women things are harder for me and for the tech.
So back to the new test it was a different place which I didn’t realize and they asked Jonathan to leave the waiting room is to small because of COVID rules well that didn’t happen at other place that waiting room was huge. so anyway Jonathan got up to leave and wait in the car and I sill had paper work and such and I just kind of went what the hell is going on here just leaving me with strangers and then my head fills with everything every question every answer omg just everything and then tears heart racing and I walk out right past Jonathan still making his way out second set of doors we get in a yelling match out side well not really just him yelling get back in there and come here and me repeating the word NO! Crying then laughing like crazy we are going home now and then he saying no you get your test it will be ok. Then hysterical laughing and then crying again I say we are going home now!
He finally got it and apologized saying “he should have known and not agrued with me I know this is a panick attack and will be no way of you going back today we will reschedule.” We drove home he trying to cheer me up and I apologizing like cray and I get into my disascociative depressed state. He did well at cheering me up it just took a little time but I finally laughed a real laugh not one of hysterics. We have a new appointment already at the place I went to fist time back in august. Thanks for reading I am feeling better hugs all.
In all a good thing is my axiety attacks are getting less frequent wich is awsome!!!!!!!!
We finally felt soooooooo normal, yesterday we went to NH and visited my aunt all of us vaccinated and I can’t believe it was defiantly one of those hug moments you see on tv these days. I missed her so much, we all got tearful it was a wonderful visit I missed my aunt so much she reminds me of mom a lot but very different as well.
We hadn’t see each other in 2 years because the first year I was going through chemo and I could get sick very easily so I stayed in most of the time then she was sick for a bit and then of course COVID so another year of not seeing her. It was so nice to go for a long ride which was so pretty with spring flowers and trees and to most of all see her. check out this video.
A new start a new day thinking a lot past few days more about how I have grown
when you can’t do the simplest things like visit someone you love you think a lot, when you have a cancer that is always a part of you and you wonder when it will attack again praying you stay in remission until you just die of old age you think a lot, or when a pandemic takes the lives of so many in your country and the world well yup you think a lot. So I hope to write more about thoughts I have you all can agree or disagree but these are my thoughts oh and if I talk about god like today I have felt for years god is always a power greater or stronger than your self the earth for example greens oceans and dirt god for short or seeing as I am Christian he is my all mighty but my dad when in AA it was group of drunks again g o d which as a whole are a strong group to help you. so now onward some thoughts I know I have probably written befor.
what I feel good about is how I have learned not to blame god or a higher power for things that go wrong in life, the best example I can give and often look at in my own life if illness and death. we can not blame god for those things only ourselves like cancer for example I will give 3 reasons it is our fault and not gods first is we have choice god gave us the power of choice.
1. we do not give higher education to all who desire it and are smart enough to have it which then leads us to not enough educated people to study disease and find a cure so all those poverty stricken kids you have decided to ignore not feed so they can study better or put through collage has a effect on us all.
2. killing of wild life and animals, many animals die off Like the elephant did you all know the elephants are the only animal that do not get cancer? and we are allowing them to be killed off treat them badly and abuse them. also we really do have plants going through some of the same and we know many of our medicines come from plants.
3 polutions do I really need to explain ok we choose chemicals that are bad for the environment and put them in the air we choose unhealthy diets some also drink and smoke and some are around those who smoke but lets talk mostly about the air itself it is full of crap we saw images of all the smog that lifted away because of COVID and animals all around and thriving.
so yes many of you may say I do not do any of these things so why is god still punishing me again he gave each and everyone one of us choice just because it wasn’t your choice it is another’s who caused what is our fault is not fighting to fix these things not voting for our children to get educated even if poor not paying for more to fight against poachers abusers of lands and animals and voting for the use of wind and solar provided to us by god.
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
A saying I always remember the serenty prayer
My hubby gave me a special Valentine's Day gift, I love sloths. But this is not just a Valentine, but also a Family Day gift...
