Well another update I do not think I have been this depressed in years even when I first heard of my follicular lymphoma. It is hard today to say I wont give up but I am close. We heard today what I thought we would hear I need immediate surgery on the growth on my overies we wont know if it is cancer until it is out but tests so far do not look good cancer markers in my blood are up and certain markers in ultra sound but until it is out and tested we wont know if cancer or even what stage of cancer I have a feeling it might be a stage 2 but praying it is not cancer at all and also praying it is not stage 3 or 4.
Like I said I haven’t been this depressed in a long time spacing out limp body exhausted sad I think it is because my cancer journey is still just beginning i see so many sad stories I don’t want to be that sad story but i fear i will be. Crying now as I write also my Basset is dying he has liver cancer and today is at the stop eating stage of his down hill fall the vet says he is not in pain i am so happy for that I also hope he can die at home like my other pets in the past and not at the place he hates so much to visit our vet is great but he just hates going so much.
He was a big help to me when i went through chemo with my lymphoma it will be hard this time without him i think all the sadness of his dying and i needing surgery for this now softball in my gut that might be cancer just has taken over my spirit it seemsI hope in the days to come I can take some deep breaths and get back my happiness and hope. And snap out of this depression.
Well folks that’s it for today i will write again soon.
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